Falling off the Good to Mama Wagon (and getting back on)

Mamas, we’ve got a lot going on right now.

Let’s forget for a minute that back in January, we were already doing a lot. Now we’ve got a global pandemic that shows no sign of slowing here in the US, a human rights movement that is (rightly so) shaking the foundations of how we parent, a political election that will define the America our children grow up in, and, oh yeah, all the other regular life events that apparently missed the memo to please-press-pause-for-maybe-a-year-so-I-don’t-completely-lose-my-you-know-what. 

Ironically, you know what has been one of the first things to go out the window for me? Being good to mama.

With less time to do all the things, I’ve been cutting my exercise short every day. That’s if I even make time for it at all. When my alarm goes off at 5:30am, half the time I can’t muster the motivation to actually get up. Instead I stuff my phone under my pillow and hit snooze until my other alarm clock – named Moseah – goes off. That means my “me” hour from 5:30-6:30am, when I do the things that recharge me, isn’t happening. There’s been more junk food passing through our house in the last four months than I think I’ve seen in the last four years. I haven’t listened to Rachel Hollis more than a handful of times. I’m also not being disciplined about my bedtime routine or my bedtime, so I’m not getting enough sleep, which means I’m not at my emotional or mental best during the day. I’m not sure if it all went out the window at once – I think I dropped one thing, then another, then another as I was struggling to keep up with the impact of COVID19.

You know what, though? It makes sense that all of this would happen. After all, most of us have never lived through this kind of massive disruption to everything we know. It’s kind of like downing six pints of Ben & Jerry’s and a bottle of wine after a hard breakup. But now… now we’re four months in and it’s past time for me to put the ice cream - both literal and metaphorical - away. Now it’s the new normal. And if it’s the new normal, I better figure out what being good to mama looks like in this reality.

So: I went back to the beginning, gave myself a refresher, and made some updates. 

Good to mama still means taking time each morning for myself to work out, or have a coffee, or reflect on my goals, or set today’s intention. I might need some help to make this happen (e.g.: my husband kicking me off instagram at 9pm), but that’s totally ok. This is really the only time I have each day completely to myself, and so it’s the critical time for me to be good to mama. Could I trade my morning hour for staying up an extra hour each night? Yes, but I know that what I choose to spend time on at night (TV, facebook…) doesn’t have the same positive impact as what I choose to spend that hour on in the morning.

Good to Mama still means listening to inspiring podcasts that make me feel great about who I am AND push me to be better. The content of those podcasts might have changed, and that’s a good thing. Now I want to learn how to raise anti-racist children, how to parent during a pandemic, and how to stay kind to myself when it feels like the house is falling down.

Good to Mama still means pursuing a career that I love, or finding joy in what I’m doing each day. The details look very, very different since the pandemic, but the love and joy are still key. 

Good to Mama still means being authentic with myself. More than ever, it’s important to be honest with myself about what I need instead of trying to be all the things to everyone else. I can only take care of those around me if I’m first being good to myself. Which brings me to the addition to my Good to Mama list…

Good to Mama also means being exceptionally kind with myself as I figure out how to navigate this new normal, and what it means for myself and my family. It means giving myself grace when I have a day that’s a total disaster. It means asking for help when I need it – whether it’s help from my husband calling me out when it’s 9pm and I’m still scrolling on Instagram, help from a stranger when I don’t know how to explain police brutality to a three-year-old, or help from a friend just getting through a tough day.

It’s a tricky balance, right? Between kicking our own butts and saying enough is enough, but then also being patient and kind with ourselves as we navigate all the new challenges. Remember: only you can be honest with yourself about what you really need. Other people (including me!!) can only share their own ideas. With that in mind: what does your Good to Mama list look like today, in this new normal?