Five questions to ask if your goals don’t typically make it past Groundhog Day
Like most people around this time, I’ve been thinking a lot about my 2019 goals and what I want to set as my 2020 goals. There’s been so much chatter this year about goals being set and forgotten by February. So, I looked back at my 2019 goals, and you know what surprised me? I made solid progress on every single one, and some of them I even knocked out of the park. This has NEVER HAPPENED before! So… what did I do differently this past year? Because it certainly wasn’t because all of a sudden I had extra time (hello, second tiny person who likes to wake up all night long because he misses mama cuddles, and first tiny person who discovered the joys of the word no). Why did these goals stick, when none of my past goals have ever made it to see the snow melting?
In 2019, I asked five questions. I’m going through this process today for every one of my 2020 goals. Except for the first one, none of these questions are original – they’re a distillation of tons of reading and podcasts and listening to people who are experts in all aspects of goal setting and achievement. Here they are, mamas! I’ll write them all out first, and then I’ll use one of my 2020 goals as an example for how I went through this process today.
Are my goals for ME?
Do I have a strong enough WHY behind my goals?
Are my goals SPECIFIC enough?
Do I know how I will MEASURE if I’ve achieved my goals?
What am I going to do RIGHT NOW to get myself closer to achieving my goals?
Question 1: Are my goals for ME?
This isn’t usually where goal setting guides start, but I’ve found that this is an important gut check. I made sure that the goals I was making were for myself, NOT because someone else thought I should do something. For example, you could set a goal to have a clean house. If it’s because you really, really want a clean house, that’s great! But if it’s because your spouse, or mother-in-law, or nanny told you that you should have a clean house, take a minute. Your goals are about what you need, what will make your 2020 shine, what will put you a step closer to the person you’re destined to become. If your goals aren’t for you – if they’re not aligned with your values, or if you’re doing them to make someone else happy – get new goals, mama. I’m not saying your goals can’t impact the people around you, they can and will! But they need to be from your heart, not someone else’s “should”.
Question 2: Do I have a strong enough WHY behind my goals?
When I started writing my goals I just had one, simple sentence for each. For example, in 2020 I want to take extraordinarily good care of myself. Ok, that’s a good start, but it’s not enough. It doesn’t have a lot of emotion or meaning by itself. So I asked: why is this my goal? Because when I take good care of myself I have the energy to do the things that I love. When I take good care of myself I’m a better wife, and a better mom. When I take good care of myself I’m a happier person. That’s my motivation – and that makes me want to achieve my goal. Ask yourself why three or four times to really get down to the root of it, and then visualize what your life will be like after achieving this goal. What do you look like? What’s the expression on your face? Where are you? How do you feel? This is the motivation that can make a goal very, very sticky.
The why is critical, because it puts strong emotion behind your goal. But that’s not enough. “I want to take extraordinarily good care of myself” can mean just about anything. For one person it could mean spending an hour meditating each day, because mindfulness is how they take care of themselves. For another person it could mean quitting a job with a boss that’s mean and unsupportive, because they know they come home in a negative mood every day. So that takes me to question number 3.
Question 3: Are my goals specific enough?
How will I take extraordinarily good care of myself from day to day? What are the specific components? When I thought about it, I realized taking care of myself has three key parts.
Fitness. When I exercise is when I feel at my best, and I know it’s good for my body and my overall health.
Food. The holidays are a great example. I was eating super healthy before the holidays and felt awesome. Then I ate like crap for three weeks and I feel sluggish, grumpy, and my skin is breaking out in spades. So eating healthy on a regular basis is another way I take good care of myself.
Mental health. If I don’t have time to myself, I don’t feel like myself. And if I don’t sleep enough, that’s a huge trigger for me for anxiety. Having time to myself each day and doing things that feel like I’m treating myself are ways that I keep my mental health in shape.
So now I have some really specific actions I can take to make this goal a reality. But there’s still something missing. I feel really different if I work out once a week vs five days a week. And what it means to eat healthy is different for me than it is for my husband, than it is for my mother-in-law. So I still have another question to ask.
Question 4: Do I know how I will measure if I’ve achieved my goals?
This has to have numbers behind it, or at least some way to quantify success. Something that I can use every day or every week or every month to tell me, without a doubt, that YES: I did all these things.
Fitness. I’m going to the gym or working out at home for at least 30 minutes a day five days a week.
Food. At home I’m eating no processed sugar or simple carbs, I’m eating something green during at least 50% of my meals, and 90% of the food that comes into the house is organic, fresh, or natural.
Mental health. I’m getting into bed at 9pm and waking up at 5:30am which gives me not only enough sleep but also time to myself in the mornings, I’m getting a massage once a month, and I’m making time to go out with my girlfriends at least twice a month.
Great! So now I’ve got super specific goals, I know exactly how I’m going to measure them on a regular basis. Isn’t that enough? NOPE. Goals on paper are one thing. But paper does nothing, mamas. It’s just ideas and hopes until I ask myself the last question.
Question 5: What am I going to do right now to get myself closer to achieving my goals?
You know what will ultimately make your goals happen? Action. You’ve got to actually DO something to move yourself closer to your goals! I’m honestly shaping this goal TODAY as I’m writing this post, so I’m going to take my own advice. What action am I going to take on this goal, right now?
Fitness. Go to a gym class today AND sign up for a class tomorrow morning (heyo, momentum!!)
Food. Plan out tonight’s healthy, green-packed dinner and stop by the grocery store on the way home for anything missing.
Mental health. Buy an extension cord so I can have my phone next to my bed tonight to use my alarm for 5:30am (no outlets next to the bed in our new rental house??), and message the two mamas in San Diego that I want to get together with.
The bonus activity that helped me make it all happen
There’s one last thing that I know helped in 2019 that’s not a question, it’s a practice. I write down my dreams every day, as if I’ve already achieved them. (It’s the core of the Start Today Journal that I talked about in my gratitude post). Dreams to me are like the really, really big goals. I am an exceptional wife. I have financial freedom. I take extraordinarily good care of myself. It’s a daily reminder of who I want to become, who I will become. This five-question exercise shows me what I need to do every day and how I know I’m getting closer to that person. But writing down the big goals and dreams is a daily reminder to actually do those things. That way my dreams and goals don’t get lost in the crazy my-toddler-threw-her-breakfast-on-the-floor-and-no-one-emptied-the-diswasher-and-my-son-had-an-allergic-reaction-to-his-new-diapers-and-did-I-remember-to-put-a-bra-on-this-morning? It’s a refocus, a grounding, a reminder. So here we go, 2020!! Let’s make these goals STICK, so this can be our best year – and decade – yet.