How gratitude has made me less likely to yell at the lady at Starbucks

Two years ago we were staying with friends of ours, and when they put their two young girls to bed they invited us up for “agradecimientos” (“thanks”). They sat in a circle on the floor and each said what they were grateful for from that day. I was impressed, and humbled, that this 2 and 4-year-old could be so thoughtful!

 Gratitude used to be the thing that I did once a year at Thanksgiving. It’s not that I wasn’t grateful year-round, but it wasn’t a part of my daily life. We’re taught many things in school and college – how to write, how to work in a team, how to strive for more… but we’re not taught gratitude. Sometimes I even feel like we’re taught the opposite: that we’re taught to be dissatisfied because it will make us work harder, get father.

As with so many plans, #momlife took over and I completely forgot to bring “agradecimientos” back into our life when our daughter (then 1.5 years old) was ready. But the idea of gratitude kept popping up all over. I went to conference where they taught a daily gratitude practice. I had conversations with family members about how gratitude impacted their lives. Earlier this year I found the Start Today Journal, which includes a daily gratitude practice. I got hooked.

Why now, when gratitude has been such a buzzword for the last few years?

Because I finally went beyond the cliché of hashtags and did the real thing. It has literally changed how I feel from day to day. I am a better mother, a better wife, and a better business partner. Gratitude allows me to have grace in situations where otherwise, I might have been a total b****. Here are three real-life before and after examples:

Baby leaked poop out of his diaper?

Before: AAARGHHHH this sucks, I’m late, now I have to clean a poopy floor and change your clothes, why does it have to be Monday?!?!?

Now: Awwww sweetie, no wonder you were grumpy! Look at all that poop you were holding in! Isn’t in great that you pooped on the hardwood, instead of the carpet? Let’s get you cleaned up. 

Lady messes up my order at Starbucks?

Before:  Seriously? You have checkboxes! How hard is this! No, I definitely said whole milk at the register, not almond milk. I can’t drink this. Gross.

Now: Huh, this is a weird taste. Almond milk? Wow, I’ve never tried it before in a latte, but now at least I know it’s not my thing! Do you mind making another one? 

Or on a morning like this one, when my car didn’t start?

Before: Mother-f**er, the car is supposed to be my husband’s job and he’s on a flight. AND we’re supposed to leave tomorrow on a 17-hour road trip. I just don’t have time for this!!!

Now: Man, it’s a good thing I went for an early coffee run this morning, otherwise I wouldn’t have known about this until I was really in a bind. Now I have time to call AAA and get it all sorted before my next appointment! Someone was looking out for me today.

Not only am I being Good to Mama, I’m better to those around me

I feel better in all of these situations, but also my baby probably feels better because I’m calm and collected, and it’s not his fault he’s nine months and eats and poops like a horse. Shannon at Starbucks probably feels better because it’s clearly her first week, and she’s still figuring it all out, and you know what? Whole milk sounds a lot like almond milk when you’re talking quickly. My husband probably feels better because I didn’t call him angry and yelling about something he can’t even fix from a plane.

For me, it takes a long time to come down after I get frustrated. Now, instead of feeling stressed or angry for an hour I’m able to go about my day feeling pretty great, most of the time. Are there still things that bug me? YES, but it takes a bigger thing, or maybe I’m extra sleep-deprived that day, or missed my journal for a few days. Otherwise, it just doesn’t bug me. That is why gratitude. And this is why I want to teach this to my kids, when they’re little, so it becomes a habit for them.

So, how do I bring this home to my kids?

Start with you. if you’re doing it, you can model it and they’ll see it. (Also, this is first and foremost about being Good to Mama!) But here are some other things we do.

Build it into the kids’ routine. We’re not incredibly religious, but a few months ago we started saying grace. Usually my daughter will say she’s grateful for whatever food is sitting in front of her (she really likes food). But last night she said “I grateful for mama and papa”, which just made our hearts soar.  

Find examples they can understand. Last week, when I was rested and on top of my game, I used gratitude as a teaching moment. Cimorene (2.5 years) was frustrated that Moseah (10 months) knocked over her duplo tower. I told her “oh man! I know that can be frustrating. But you know what’s great about this? This means we get to build an even BIGGER tower! Thank you, Moseah!”.

Does all of this have any impact on them? I don’t know yet, I’ll have to get back to you in 20 years. But I know it’s had a huge impact on me, so I have a really good feeling.