Guess who’s finally back from maternity

I missed you all! It’s been about five months since baby Z was born, and I had so many goals for maternity leave. I was going to start a garden. I was going to learn to kitesurf. I was going to write a book! Because if I wasn’t working, that meant I was going to have all the time in the world, right?

Hah! You would think, baby Z being my third child, that I would remember what having a newborn was like and plan accordingly. Nope. I think that for the survival of the human race we mamas are programmed to forget what newbornhood is like… otherwise, would we keep having babies?

If I’m honest, I could barely keep up with showering on a regular schedule, forget writing a book. What did I do instead during maternity leave? I cuddled my little guy. I slept whenever I could, which wasn’t often. I tried desperately to strengthen the bond with my oldest two kiddos, recognizing their simultaneous love for baby brother and frustration that mama was all baby, all the time. (Actually, that last one is true for my husband, too.) I FaceTimed with family, cleaned projectile poop off the walls of our bedroom, and zombie-shopped on Amazon at all hours of the night. It was crazy, exhausting, fulfilling… and completely the opposite of what I had planned.

I’m so happy about that. 

There are times when it’s important to keep driving ahead and stick to your goals and plans, even when life throws you curveballs. But there are also times when it’s important to reevaluate your goals and plans and decide what’s reasonable – or what might actually be more important in the moment. This was one of those times for me. This is my last baby, and as soon as he came into the world I knew I wanted to savor every minute of it, from the smiles to the cries to the blowout diapers.

I could have started a garden – but at the expense of having special time with C and M while baby Z napped. I could have learned to kitesurf – but at the expense of leaving my newborn at home before he or I were ready. I could have written a book – but I had zero creative juice postpartum so it would have been a pretty crappy read. Sometimes being good to mama looks like kicking ourselves in the butt and saying, get out there! Stop making excuses! You’re getting in your own way! And sometimes being good to mama looks like this – just taking a step back, savoring each moment as it comes, and knowing they’re the moments that were meant to be. The key is knowing yourself well enough to know when it’s one or the other, and trusting your gut enough not to look back or have regrets.

So now, here I am – two four months late to picking back up writing but feeling very, very fulfilled – to share with you more adventures and learnings on being Good to Mama. I missed writing and I missed you all. Here’s to the next chapter!